Reality Check

The ability to remember is a mixed blessing, isn’t it? For example, we can look back and relive happy times with the people we love. Those pleasant memories can serve to remind us of the love and belonging that we have in our lives, even if we are not feeling it right at the moment.

I often have more questions than answers. As soon as I find the answer to one question, more questions pop up. Is that true for you also?

This is not a test. However, if you want a test, here are a few questions you might ask. On a scale from 1 to 10, how stressed are you? How do you know that you are stressed? Do you have any control over that whole mix of physical symptoms, feelings, thoughts and actions that can go along with being stressed?

Do you suffer from loose ends? That is, nagging tasks and unfinished business that you can’t seem to get off your plate?

Having an abundance of choice can be a luxury in some situations. What food shall I eat? Where shall I go on vacation? Which friend will I spend time with today?

When many of us lost power during the recent snowstorm, our habitual routines were disrupted. While even I am not old enough to remember cozy gatherings around oil lamps in the pre-electricity days, I understand it was not all “bad old days.” But our expectations, what we consider essential to be satisfied, have certainly changed over the years, haven’t they?

Scott Adams has passed away. To many, Adams is known primarily as the creator of Dilbert, that cartoon character with the flipped-up tie and a sincere effort to do his job well despite the challenges of a less than-perfect workplace. As most workplaces are somewhat less than perfect, many people found common ground with Dilbert.

Any time is a good time to assess how things are going, and the dawning of the new year can add an extra little motivational kick. Thus, I’d recently suggested that now is a great time to take stock; to do an inventory, so to speak.

From time to time, many businesses take inventory. They look at the company valuables, such as equipment, raw materials, product that’s ready to be sold, and they record what they have. Is it what they expected? Are there important things missing? Are they over-stocked in some ways?

There are changes coming! While I’m at it, I may as well throw in a prediction about Maritime weather: It’s going to change! Not a big surprise, is it? Changes happen; some for the better; others just make things worse.

It’s that time of year when many of us focus on presents. Ads surround us promoting the message: this is a time to buy.

My former colleague Jim had to attend a company meeting in New Brunswick with a few other employees. They drove out in early morning, allowing plenty of time for arrival. About half-way, they switched drivers; Jim took the wheel.

Last time, I introduced Casey and Cathy’s story. It’s one where Casey has become resentful, perceiving that the more she does for Cathy, the greater are Cathy’s expectations. “Favours” have become demands.

What does a satisfying life look like for you? For many people, an important measure of a satisfying life is that it includes being on good terms with people. Exactly who and how many people will vary from person to person.

Habits matter. They can affect how well our bodies work. They can influence whether we spend much of our time feeling joyful or despondent. Our habits can also contribute to how warm and connected we feel to other people.

Both good and bad events are happening all the time. Babies are born, but loved ones pass away. Financial situations rise or fall. Living arrangements change for the better or for the worse. Friends and family may draw closer together or they may fall apart.

Would you like to have the power to change the world? You probably know how things ought to be. Whether we’re talking community, country, or the whole planet, things would be better if they were different. Different how? The way we want, of course.

Do you ever get the feeling that you are too predictable? Every day it’s same old; same old. Your friends, spouse, or children tell you they know what you think and what you will do next. The worst of it, you realize that they are probably right! Much of the time, we act according to our habits and patterns. We do what we’ve done before.

Let’s go for a drive together. (Unfortunately, this drive will have to be in our imaginations, but we can pretend it’s as much fun as the real thing.)

It’s not rare to have a conflict with another person. Some serious conflicts have no apparent solution; others could likely be resolved if we put our minds to it and strive toward co-operation.

There may be times when we find ourselves with a conflict so profound, so unsolvable, that it truly is like being between a rock and a hard place. No matter what you do; what creative solutions you dream up, reality keeps telling you that nothing you do will resolve this.

Autumn mornings are the best in my opinion. The air is fresh, the sun shines; it’s a new day. It could get us thinking that “each day is a fresh start.” Put our past troubles and trials aside; we’re starting over! Hurrah!

When we cross a busy street, we look both ways to make sure the coast is clear. It’s often prudent to take a second look before we set out, as we might overlook a potential threat the first time. If you take this too far, however, by checking and rechecking to make sure all is clear, we may literally never get anywhere.

A long, long time ago, I was on a flight to Cape Breton for a meeting. Everything was going smoothly. I parked at the airport; had my ticket; knew where I was going and who to meet. I was prepared and enthusiastic about the upcoming work for the day.

Do you offer compliments? If so, is it rarely, only when someone has done something truly extraordinary? Or does giving compliments come easily to you?

Picture an image of everything that brings happiness to you. All the people, the places, the things, even the values and ideas; everything that brings you joy.

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When events in our lives go awry, we may develop the perception that life is just one bad thing after another. It’s overwhelming.

In his book, A Set of Directions for Putting and Keeping Yourself Together, Dr. Bob Wubbolding tells a little story about the Moso bamboo. According to Dr. Bob, it can take years of persistent care and watering of seeds before a Moso plant even breaks the soil. However, when the time is right and the plant emerges, it makes up for its slow start with explosive growth.

Choice Theory is focused on the present day. Why? “All you have any control over is what you do right now” is how Dr. Glasser puts it in “Choice Theory.”

In our lives, we may have blissful times.

One upside of living in this internet-connected world is that we have so much access to useful information.
But there’s always a downside, isn’t there? Here’s one. While it’s easy to access information, it’s also easy to produce information. Websites, Facebook, forums, blogs, you name it; anyone can write it!

What if you could create your perfect wife, husband or friend? A buddy who responds in exactly the right way? You’d never hear a complaint. You’d never feel alone. You’d have a companion to make your life complete. Wouldn’t that be awesome?

Different people, as we know, prefer different things. Some people enjoy spontaneity; others view anything unplanned as chaos and confusion.

Filters are useful. If we don’t have the right air filter, oil filter, or coffee filter, some tasks just can’t be done.

We know that we can only take action in the present. Even so, do you find that the future is very much in your thoughts? Why?

We can only act in the present day. I’m sure that this isn’t news to you!

We can only act in the present day. We already know that, but sometimes it helps to get a reminder. Even though we might like to change what we’ve done (because we’re so much wiser now, right?) we can’t undo or redo anything. We can’t go back and act in the past.

How are you feeling? If you’re feeling good, can you hang on to that feeling? If you’re feeling bad, can you change that feeling?

We have so many opportunities to find reasons to be upset, anxious, angry, or have other difficult feelings. Your upsets might come from your personal life, from the behaviour of people close to you, such as family, community, or workplace.

What emotion are you feeling right now? Take a moment; think about it. Is it curiosity? Joy? Sadness? Enthusiasm? Frustration? Loneliness? Optimism?

What emotion are you feeling right now? Take a moment; think about it. Is it curiosity? Joy? Sadness? Enthusiasm? Frustration? Loneliness? Optimism?

Relationships are a big deal in Choice Theory, where much of Dr. Glasser’s writings address how to improve relationships.

Are you waiting for something? I’ll bet that you are! Right now, I’m waiting for an appointment date, an order that hasn’t arrived, and a clarification promised by a company. And I’m sure that if I think harder, I can find lots of other items sitting in limbo.

Some people take a spontaneous seat-of-the-pants approach to life, while others find structure more satisfying. Personally, I find structure helpful: shopping lists, appointment calendars, journal reminders. Tools of this sort may not work perfectly, but they can help us develop a sense of control over our lives.

In fact, we might even identify ourselves as problem-solvers, based on successful problem-solving incidents in our past!

When looking for information a while ago, I phoned a local business. I wasn’t quite as prepared as I like to be.

“I don’t deserve this!” I’m sure you’ve heard it said and maybe even said it yourself. A typical context is, “I’m a good person. I don’t deserve this bad thing that’s happening to me.”

Trade-offs. In many situations, we can’t get exactly what we want; we have to choose among less-than-ideal options.

The choices that we make, both big and small, affect our lives. They contribute to whether we are reasonably satisfied or rather miserable. How do we make our choices?

Everyone has an opinion about something, and some people seem to have opinions about everything! While this can make for lively conversation, differences in opinion can also result in hard feelings.

We make decisions each day; some big, many small. Many of us like to believe that we make those decisions based on logic and facts. We weigh pros and cons and we make the best possible choice based on the information that we have at the time.

Relationships. What do you think of? Perhaps the type of relationship that springs to mind is what we call “romantic” relationships, spouses, partners, girlfriends, boyfriends, and so on. The common phrase “in a relationship” is often taken to mean you have one special person with whom you share your life, decisions and plans.

Why, oh why? Why do we do things that don’t seem to make sense? Even if you always act sensibly yourself, it’s still an interesting question. The answers could help you figure out the rest of us.

Does everybody want basically the same thing? The idea is appealing, but is it true?

Have you noticed that people sometimes make choices that don’t make sense? Maybe you’ve even done this yourself! Curious, isn’t it? We know better. Why, oh why?

Over his long career, Dr. Wm. Glasser wrote several books to describe his approach to helping people get along better and live more satisfying lives. A well-known example is, Choice Theory: A New Psychology of Personal Freedom.

During a New Year’s decluttering spree, I stacked objects to redirect to new homes in a pile that was way too high. What happened? It fell over. You and I both knew that would happen.

What are the odds that you’ll happen to say something encouraging to someone who could really benefit from it at that very moment?

Some folks approach the beginning of a new year as the “Season of Good Intentions.”

Have you ever bought one of those air fresheners called “new car smell”? For a few bucks, you can bask in the scent of rich leather. Or maybe it’s rich vinyl. Either way, you can experience a luxurious new car scent without the inconvenience of having to part with thousands and thousands of dollars for an actual new car.

Presents are top of mind for many at this time of year. How I look at gift-giving and gift-receiving has changed over the years, and I suspect that it may also have changed for you. As we move along in our lives, it’s no surprise that our priorities, needs, and wants change.

Encouragement makes a difference in people’s lives. OK, that may just be my opinion, but I’m sticking with it. What do you think? Do you act differently when you are feeling encouraged compared to when you are discouraged?

Post-pandemic, we’re all aware of how easy it can be to catch something nasty. Thus, we take measures to prevent getting infected. We might avoid situations where we could be exposed to disease or we might try to build up our general health. Putting in a small effort to potentially prevent a big negative outcome is a pretty good investment!

They say that it takes two to tango, but that’s not all! Lots of activities depend on co-operation, and it’s important to co-operate in many situations.

As the grey days of winter set in, spirits can turn grey too. Winter is coming; will it be a hard one or an easy one? Predictions aren’t perfect, but it’s safe to say it’ll get colder and there will probably be snow.

“How’s it going?” Has anyone asked you that recently? If so, how do you respond?

If you wanted to equip a young person with the tools they need to have a satisfying life, what would you choose?

When I recently reviewed my to-do list, I was pleasantly surprised to see that I had accomplished more than I had realized!

Have you ever heard yourself saying, “If only [fill in whatever name you like here] would behave more sensibly. If only they’d pay attention.